covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
