Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
