by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
