Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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