I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
