Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
