remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
