i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize