Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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