i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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