You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
