someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I look better un-naked...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
