At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
