You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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