i think i have two assholes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
