TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
