Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Never joke about your clitoris.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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