I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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