i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
