Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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