Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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