This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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