I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize