i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
