Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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