ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
