Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
