did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
