Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
