break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
