I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wear drunk well.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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