We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
