he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
