I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
