Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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