Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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