think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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