How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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