well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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