We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
