i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
