just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm bleeding and have questions
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
