i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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