Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
