the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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