You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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