this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize