mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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