Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
