ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
