hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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