I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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