The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
