Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
