they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
