Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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