So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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