She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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