Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize