dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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