there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
