If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
