My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
