I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
