i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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