I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
