also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize