I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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