Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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