you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
