sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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