his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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