I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
