He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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