We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
