I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
