We're like a lot better than the average bears
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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