I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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